Forgivness

Today was probably one of the BEST days I have had in several months.. Yesterday I wrote a blog about two old friends.. This morning I received an email from Bjorn.. I was actually quite surprised.. I sent him a link to the post I had written and his email was really kind.. He thanked me for my "kind words".. It's been way to long since I have been thanked for really anything.. But he told me about his walk with the Lord and a little about his new life.. He left me parting with something extremely encouraging.. He said I was beautiful.. I knew he meant I was a beautiful person.. It's not everyday I hear that.. Actually almost never.. Well anyways that really got me thinking.. I am a beautiful person.. Maybe not a whole lot on the outside, but on the inside, I KNOW I AM BEAUTIFUL!!

Months upon months have gone by where I had been thinking about old friends whose friendships I had seemed to lose either by fault of my own or just giving up.. I feel like I have made so many mistakes in my life and I was tired of losing literally the only people I had..

Elisha Allison.. She was my roommate last year when I first moved to Arizona.. I remember when I first met her; it was like everything that was her favorite thing to do, was my favorite thing to do everyday.. Seriously though.. She was like my long lost sister with blond hair.. Much of our background was the same.. Her likes and dislikes.. Her strive at life.. We just clicked.. A few months after living together, things started to fall apart between us.. We fought over everything.. I think we did it on purpose.. Like a defense mechanism.. I don't know.. But eventually we parted ways.. Since the last time I saw her my heart has ached with way more regret than I let on.. I mean I have felt utterly horrible.. I never said sorry for the mean things I said to her.. When I was asked what happened between us, I of course blamed it on her, knowing full well it was my fault.. Finally I started telling the truth about what happened and what I had done.. After months upon months of working up the courage to apologize to Elisha for all the nasty things I did and said, I emailed her.. Today.. I fully expected to be left with rejection.. I didn't expect an email back, and if I did, I thought it would say what a nobody I was.. Instead I was blessed.. She forgave me!! She encouraged me.. She was beyond a beautiful person.. I know without a shadow of a doubt she meant everything she said to me.. Grateful would be an understatement for the sense of love she has given me..

I also email Megan Ledyard (Weston).. It had been over a year since I had talked to her.. We use to be so close and then she just was gone.. I tried emailing her several times but with never any response.. I figured while I was apologizing to others I would take the time to write her one last time.. I apologized for not going to her wedding.. It was rather selfish.. I didn't go because I was jealous, that a family I had known since I was eight, and taken me in to there family, went to her wedding but not mine.. That same family was also the reason I didn't go.. They put me through hell.. I couldn't bear the thought being in the same place as them knowing in the back of my mind, others were probably thinking about all the horrible lies this family filled them with.. I was embarrassed.. I was beyond shocked when she emailed me back soon after, saying that I had done nothing wrong.. That she had just been crazy busy, and she should be the one apologizing.. I couldn't believe it was all just a misunderstanding.. I am grateful though.. I would have been devastated losing a friend like her..

I also email Tomarrah Green.. She use to be one of my best friends.. To the point where we stopped talking, I told her EVERYTHING.. It is really sad how things ended between us.. I remember one summer she asked me to a camp chapel with her because she was so close to where I lived.. I knew with her religion she was only allowed to wear skirts.. I double checked with her to see that I definitely needed to wear one and she said no.. I could were jeans.. It wasn't a big deal.. I asked like five times and she assured me to "be comfortable" and where pants.. When her mother arrived she yelled at me for being rude.. When I told her Tomarrah said it was okay, she lied.. She told her mom, she told me, I had to wear a skirt and I just didn't listen.. I was so mortified I left.. We didn't talk for almost a year.. Finally I contacted her and said we should just forget about it and move on.. Then again... she betrayed me.. She was suppose to be a bridesmaid in my wedding.. She assured me day after day she was coming.. Just short of a week before my wedding her Dad called.. He said that she would not be coming.. He made me feel guilty for "pressuring" her to drive six hours to the wedding, alone.. I couldn't believe she had blatantly betrayed me yet once again.. I haven't talked to her since.. It's been over two years.. She has NEVER apologized for anything she has ever done to me.. I can't even begin to explain how hurtful it is to think of her.. But I email her one last time.. Not to apologize, but to ask why.. I might hear from her.. Unfortunately I doubt it.. But it was like my last goodbye.. A relief.. Finally I said and asked her the things I had been dying to know.. I may never know them, but I asked.. That's all I needed to do.. If I am wrong, just like with Elisha, then crazy enough I think I could forgive her..

I love this blog.. I can say anything I want.. Everything I am feeling and there is no one there right in my face to judge me or interrupt me.. I am free.. Thank you Elisha for your forgiveness.. I hope someday I can walk in your shoes..

I AM BEAUTIFUL.. Thank you everyone who showed me that today!!

Facebook

Facebook is a very interesting little thing.. It seems to get people into more trouble than do actual good.. It has the good the bad and the ugly all wrapped in a pretty box.. I find when I am out of my mind board I stock people, maybe not stock...... okay yeah I stock.. Anyways.. I like to look up people who I use to know or go to school with and see what's up with there lives.. Sometimes it makes me feel better and sometimes not so much.. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't like Facebook.. I have it for who knows why.. I guess maybe only to stock people.. haha.. horrible I know.. But then I have all these privacy settings on mine so that if you aren't my friend I don't exist.. Very hypocritical I know.. Tonight I was looking at a few people.. Herbie Hall and Bjorn Carlson.. I went to high school with Bjorn and Herbie was my giant bear.. I love hanging out with the two of them.. Its just funny how things change over the years.. Or how things intertwine I guess.. Like Bjorn.. His sister Amy was my sixth grade teacher and his other sister Molly married my husbands, best friend's, brother.. Crazy.. From Dunbar even.. But yeah.. It blows me away how small this world is.. Back on track now.. So Bjorn.. During high school he was definitely one of my closest friends.. We would write notes to each other everyday.. (pretty sure I still have most of them) But yeah we just really got each other.. The one thing I remember most is the one day after youth group.. We were sitting in his truck and he said, "did you know that only one of every ten people remains a true follower of Christ as we go into adulthood".. Still to this day I think of that and hope and pray that I strive to be the one of those ten.. It's funny though because as good as friends as we use to be, he went away to college and I just felt like he thought he was too good for his old friends.. Even his best friend Herbie.. I don't talk to Bjorn anymore but I like to always look at his profile and see the things he is doing.. It looks like he has a fantastic life and is married to one of the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.. He looks to be living life as one from those ten.. That makes me smile..

Herbie Hall on the other hand is still my dear friend.. We didn't go to school together but I knew him through Bjorn and we went to homecoming every year.. Herbie is the friend that no matter what, will always have your back.. Even if I haven't talked to him in over a year, he is still close to me.. He taught me how to drive his Herb Mobil, He would take me out to dinner, He would even come visit me in college.. I do feel horrible though because he came to visit once and I feel like I did something to make him feel unwanted because he left.. I feel awful every time I think about it.. But anyways.. I was looking at his profile too.. He has had a good job for years now, he's married and has a new baby girl.. I am truly happy for him.. He, out of just about everyone in the world deserves the best.. He's a true friend..

So as I was stocking these two, I couldn't help but notice there wives.. Weird but true.. They are so beyond beautiful.. It makes me feel ugly.. Kendall, Bjorn's wife, well she just seems perfect.. Though I have never met her or talked to her or really know anything about her I know she is perfect.. They say pictures say a thousand words.. Well they do.. And Herbie's wife.. I have only seen one picture of her but I know she has to be one amazing woman to win the heart of Herb.. Looking at them makes me feel ..... well... ugly.. I hate Facebook right now!!

As Promised

So I have been very busy today trying to put Sampson on a schedule... Very hard.. Anyways he is filthy too and I can't take him to get groomed till Thursday.. I can't wait.. But he is so dirty and when I swept the floor I was horrified.. There was so much dirt.. So I cleaned a lot today but I did make a few things.. I will post them maybe tomorrow.. But today I am posting pillow that I made for a lady that works at the office here where I rent.. I had asked a couple weeks ago for ties and she gave me one of her husbands.. I figured I would make her something while practicing at the same time.. It worked out great.. It ended up being one of my favorite things to make.. I was sad to give it to her because I loved it so much but she LOVED it.. She was so sincere about it too.. So it made me feel amazing.. Anyways, here it is.. Let me know what you think.. I'm excited about this..

Steelers

So once again, it's been just about forever since I have written a blog.. I have just been SO excited with my new store and getting things ready to open it.. I promise though, that either later on tonight or tomorrow I will post more pictures of pillows I've made.. But for now I am posting some pictures of a onesie that I made for my new little sister, Ceri.. My family likes the Steelers.. NOT ME!! (I like the Vikings).. hush hush.. Anyways this took me so ridiculously long to make.. after three days of hand sewing every little inch my neighbor told me about this very interesting and I must say Freaking Awesome machine called a sewing machine.. Yes.. A sewing machine.. She helped me sew on the numbers which was amazingly helpful.. So after a week of nothing but having Steelers color in my face this is my creation.. I love it.. I hope you do to.. Maybe someday I will open another shop for baby fan clothes.. Let me know what you think.. Thanks..

What Ties Us Together

So its been about a week since I posted last.. In that time, JD went up to Flagstaff for a week for riffle training.. I stayed here.. Alone.. :( But good did come from it.. I went over to my neighbors for some help with a few things and she showed me this website where everything is handmade and you can make things and sell it.. I thought it was an amazing idea.. Anyways all last week I have been reading books, on having my own business, drawing out ideas, and anything and everything with having my own shop.. I finally came up with having a store named, "What Ties Us Together". It's a store where everything is made from neck ties.. I haven't opened it yet because I still have several products I'm trying to work on.. But the idea is to make pillows, aprons, curtains, bags, laptop carriers, dog leashes, and well a lot of other things.. I am also incorporating customized products where people can send me their ties or their dad or really whoever, whether they want something to remember someone or just something special.. Yesterday I made my first test product.. A pillow from JD's old ties.. (He seemed really happy I volunteered his ties :) But it turned out pretty good for never really sewing before.. It was fun.. I still have a lot of glitches left to fix though.. One of my biggest problems I ran into was using some silk ties that had no texture.. The seems kept slipping and I had to redo them three or four times.. Very frustrating.. I'm working on another pillow tonight.. Anyways let me know what you think.. Any ideas would be super helpful.. Sometimes my creativity just bottoms out.. Thanks for reading..

I'm Poor

Yes it's true.. I have no money.. Well right now anyway.. I hate it.. I literally can't do anything.. Of course it doesn't help that the army still owes us three pay checks.. Three!! It's been over two months.. I'm getting pretty irritated.. If they would just pay us what they owe.. I could catch up and actually breathe.. We didn't even celebrate our 2 year anniversary yet because we have been doing the thing called being responsible.. I'm glad we didn't do anything otherwise we would be in the hole.. But I really want to do something nice.. I guess I just have to keep waiting.. I'm not a happy camper though.. It's so funny because Chad who is pretty much like my dad.. Well that's what I think of him anyway, thinks that JD is making this whole Army thing up.. It makes me laugh.. But yeah.. So story of mine and I'm sure a lot of others life.. A positive out of all this is that the less money we have the less we spend.. Obvisouly.. But really.. If we had been getting paid on time we would have spent it on stupid stuff I'm sure.. I can't wait though because this time next year JD and I will be completely out of debt.. Like everything will be owned.. By us.. I mean everything is going to be paid off.. Our school loans, credit cards, my SUV, other loans.. I can't wait.. I can't even begin to imagine what that will feel like.. It's going to be amazing.. So with all that said.. I didn't do anything today except lay by the pool.. I'm trying to get as tan as I can before moving up north.. I hate getting pasty white.. Until tomorrow.. Lets hope we get at least one pay check..

I may be poor but I have the piece of awesomeness to keep me sane.. Isn't he the cutest retard you ever did see..

Zoo Time

So today was a lot less boring.. We all went to the zoo today.. I love the zoo.. Last year JD bought me a membership.. I guess you could say we picked a horrible time to go.. It was so HOT!! It was like 107 today.. Charlene almost passed out from heat stroke.. For real.. But it was fun.. We didn't go through the whole zoo because of the heat but we went to see the otters, (my favorite) the elephants, orangutans, monkeys, and giraffes.. Oh and I almost caught a peacock.. It was ugly..
Anyways.. We had fun.. Then we went to Sonic.. I love Sonic.. Happy hour.. YUM!! And for dinner we had Chino Bandito's.. Its a mix of Chinese and Mexican food.. It was on the Food Network.. So that was it.. Not much but I got to spend time with all my friends.. So this is my life.. Very simple, very blah.. Someday I'm gonna be a superstar.. I don't know why I said that.. I won't but by writing that you thought of superstar and me at the same time which means you thought I was a superstar for just that split second.. K I'm done.. Till tomorrow..

Dexter is going to kill Quinn........... I hope

I had to get up at 6 this morning.. I was not a happy camper.. Today was the yellow ribbon event.. Most of it was pretty boring.. (I made it to level 16 in brick breakers!!) Then some was okay.. Best of all was the food.. Wow it was amazing.. They had a continental breakfast, then lunch was a huge buffet of everything God intended for man to eat, then they had cookies; lots of yummy cookies.. I think I gained a few.. I really like food.. Oh and they had an endless supply of soda.. mmm The event didn't get done till about 4.. It was long but then after it was done we just came back to our house and chillaxed.. Boring but convenient.. We ordered Papa Johns for dinner.. They come second in my book of amazing pizza.. Jets pizza is first.. If you've never had it you are seriously missing out.. I also sold a couple more things on Ebay today.. I sold a duvet for $71 I was hoping to get a little more but I'm still happy and a throw for $25.. So all together it was pretty good.. I have about 20 other things listed so it will be nice to see how the week goes.. Tonight was also amazing because of all of the season premiers.. Desperate Housewives, Extreme Home Makeover, and BEST of all...... Dexter.. Oh....... It was AWESOME.. I can't wait to see more.. It is by far the most brilliant shoe ever to be created.. I love it!! Stupid Quinn.. He's going to die! I just know it.. So that sums up my day.. Blah I know.. Hopefully tomorrow I won't feel like such a loser.. I think we are either going to try to go to the zoo or maybe this new aquarium.. Should be fun.. Any other ideas would be super..

She's here!!

So today has been quite a busy day.. I finally finished the laundry.. Ten loads.. I mean my house is definitely the cleanest I have ever had a house.. I love it.. It smells so good and looks amazing.. I finished just in time to pick up JD's mom from the airport.. She loves our home..
And that was my day.. I forgot to mention that yesterday I sold my very first item on Ebay.. I sold a Christina Agulara CD.. I made a whole $1.36 Tomorrow I have a bidding closing for a duvet and a throw I am selling the duvet is at $71 already.. I'm pretty excited..
So that was my day.. Cleaning.. Tomorrow we have the Yellow Ribbon Event.. I just hope its not too boring.. I'm going to pack some coloring books just in case.. For real though.. I still need ideas on what to do with my mother in law this weekend.. So please share..
Oh and I got these beautiful roses for JD's mom.. I L-O-V-E them.. I'm glad she flew here because that means I get to keep them.. And no that's not why I bought them.............. well......
hopefully tomorrow will be a more exciting day..

Drill Weekend

JD has been at drill since Yesterday morning. He has been having a weird amount of bad luck lately.. Tuesday he had to go to the dentist to get several cavities filled.. He came home getting that awful sensation of ice on a nerve every time he breathed.. I took him back on Wednesday only to find out that if it didn't get better in a week then he would likely have to have a root canal.. Later in the evening we went to play golf.. Oh how I love golf.. Anyways JD somehow managed to tip a ball marker over and step on the spike.. It went right through his shoe.. It was disgusting! He was bleeding everywhere.. So yesterday we ended up going to the ER at 4 in the morning because the pain was so bad.. Luckily there was not damage done to the bone or any nerves..
This weekend at the end of drill his unit is doing a yellow ribbon event.. I guess it's a meeting type thing with all the spouses or parents of those deploying.. I will be getting informed on everything I need to know while he is gone.. We found out yesterday that the Army would be willing to pay for JD's mom to fly out to come to the event.. Although I was very excited about the idea I became stressed out about getting my house ready for her visit.. I have been in the middle of getting everything organized and some things packed for my move in November so I was a bit thrown of guard.. We had sold our couches and I've been freaking out about where she could sit if she needed.. I told my girlfriend about everything and she and her boyfriend were awesome and let us borrow an extra one they had.. So today I have been doing lots and lots of laundry and cleaning the house for her arrival.. She gets in tomorrow night at 5.. I'm pretty excited.. Although I really don't know what we should do till she leaves Tuesday.. So any thoughts or ideas would be awesome..
Oh and I also started putting up some Halloween decorations. I love how it turned out..

Everything New

Sometimes my life spins SO fast I get all fuzzy inside.. Now would be that time.. JD is getting ready to deploy.. It is just now starting to kick in.. He leaves January 4th.. Crazy.. I don't really know what to think.. I am excited and sad at the same time.. I know that JD is going to have the time of his life.. He is so excited to lead and save, and serve with the men he has come to call family.. He is also going to be a full time student.. I love how he just goes and goes and goes.. He always wants to be the best.. Something I admire.. By the time he returns he will be a 24 year old Captain in the United States Army.. I think he enjoys the challenge of always being the youngest.. A year.. That sounds like such a long time..
I am in the process of getting my things together to move up and live with JD's parents in Dunbar, WI.. There I said it.. DUNBAR.. I know it will be best for me to be surrounded by family but still...... Dunbar.. There is literally nothing there.. For once in my life I'm not exaggerating.. The thought scares me.. The closest Target is an hour and a half away.. That is my happy place.. The place I go when I just need to stop thinking.. Anyway.. I'm going to move up there Mid November.. It's coming like lightning.. I'm scared.. Well more worried I guess.. I really couldn't tell you exactly what I'm worried about but its a lot.. I tried writing out a list of pros and cons to see what I was so worried about.. Still not sure.. Any help would be appreciated..
PROS
constant family
I will be debt free by the time JD returns
Seasons are so beautiful
JD's Mom will teach me to cook
Plenty of time to Scrap book
I can get in amazing shape

CONS
Snow for 7 to 8 months out of the year
No civilization other than campus
No true independence
No friends



That's all I could really think of.. For now at least.. Well let me know what I can do to ease my mind..